Focused energy of the physical body,mind and spirit was the ability to be a laser and cut out whatever was wasting my valuable energy source of power to heal myself.
Social media was eliminated. There was one reason to gain strength as a mother and live with abundance.
“love ” My son was with me December 7/2018 celebrating our Jewish Holiday at our Temple in Honesdale PA My son’s smile on his face at the time this photo was taken was my abundance of love.
I look out my sliding glass 8 foot door window and see as far as I can see what is outside. It appears to be 22 degrees at 11:11 am. The sky is blue and clear.
Inside is 70 degrees and warm from the insulation of my Palace. My home is my palace and I am the Queen living inside. I think to myself how blessed I am to be alive and grateful that I inspire myself to be whatever I fancy and is comfortable for me.
My physical body has a mind of it’s own. To heal myself I use my brain navigating to live without much resistance from the smoke of illusions.
I have a multi sensory perception navigating through space my feelings of being human.
Stage 4 cancer is not a death sentence for anyone.
Everyone will die sometime.
Any life threatening disease or situation that can result in death of any species is part of evolution.
The less evolve species of the food chain is equally as important to the most evolve species of the food chain .
Time is precious. Time cannot be bought or sold. The value of “Time ” as the day begins and ends is all there is for me and my love ones.
I have been observed by others as I did the same. The Epiphany appeared and I realized we are the same inside the vessel of skin and bones of our encasement.
It was time for me to be me and to leave others to each their own
My beliefs of my personal stage 4 cancer journey has nothing to do with others, or does it?
The following story became my memoirs:
I was told by my new oncologist with my son at my side “there was no cure for my stage 4 cancer. You can have treatment with oral chemo medications,and a shot in your arm once a month. You will be tested to see results as you let me know how you are feeling during your treatments.”
The Wayne County Hospital network was able to get me free medication for a year while my doctor reported the effects on my physical body.
At first I was excited with the word “Free ” I was already drained from medical bills and charities that I had supported. For some reason,I thought by giving,I would feel satisfied.
That was a perception of feeding my ego. My ego was filling itself up with hot air, only to explode by repeating the same thing.
It took time to understand that nothing was “Free” and there was always a price. I would be another experiment for the manufacturer of these drugs.
I was my own experiment of my creative imagination and that was enough for me.
I said ” no thank you” for anymore treatments to my oncologist.
It felt good to be free from medical experiments.
I was staying emotionally strong through the winter months by driving my 2019 Subaru orange Cross trek through all the storms with my son next to me.
I was having fun playing my character”Grandma Michele” from Planet Zatar.
The orange Subaru was a manifestation from my first fiction book “Grandma Michele the story teller and listener”.
In the book,I was conceived on the orange quadrant of planet Zatar.
Orange signified the color of the solar plexus of the Chakras. It was a flow of energy from my creative imagination. I was using my imagination to create a perfect fit for being human.
My imaginary pieces were fitting into the picture I had created for my joy.
It was not about anyone else,it was all ways about me and how I observed myself.
The mother role was the power of “Love”
My son’s power role was similar to mine but not exactly my beliefs of healing.
My son,consistently would tell me,that CBD oil would heal my cancer and I should invest in that belief.
I like many thought it would alter my perception like any mind altering drugs or alcohol.
Taking the CBD oil focused what mattered for my well being.
I started taking CBD oil 10/20/2018 twice a day as directed from www. email@example.com and felt it was supporting my clarity.
I live in the present and that brings me joy.
Veteran’s Day celebrated yesterday and today 11/12/2018
Freedom of choice comes with a price.
I was told today that I was brave by a friend that was following my stage 4 cancer management. I said ” I am still living with abundance of Love for all creation and that is my blessing “
11/7/2018 is today’s date
The time 2:33 pm . You are reading my blog. I am the creator of my blog grandmamichele.com for my purpose of whatever matters to me.
Yes! it is all about me! Is my refection similar to your refection? Do you know someone now living with stage 4 cancer or any other disability or disease?
I am not selling anything or telling you what road to travel that might be the right path for you. I am writing my valuable thoughts for me. If by chance they have value for others,please share them and observe what happens.
I was called this morning to except delivery of I-brans) I-brans is the brand name for the medication my oncologist ordered for my cancer treatment. Chemo The co-pay of 27 hundred for my monthly cancer treatment was not in my budget of food for the month.
I am lucky to qualify for well-fare/food stamps/medical sliding scale locale hospital/doctors/social services because I paid my taxes.
Is this reality an Illusion or Delusion?
I am everything I think I am.
Being on well- fare for the past few months has been a gift similar to my stage 4 cancer for the last few months.
Some people call me crazy and some people call me by my name Michele. The bottom line is that they are engaged with my train of thought.
I have been taken twice a day CBD oil since 10/20/2018 when I left Denver with my son Bobby. Bobby had a former business partner that was presently part of a company selling CBD oil for health issues. The website firstname.lastname@example.org view our store to shop. Was this an illusion or delusion?
Scott Darnell was 6’2” and toward over me as I asked him to hug me and feel my energy of love for another soul who happens to have stage 4 caner. In that moment of the exchange of energy I felt all was self-created by the beliefs each individual absorbed from creation. I did not live in Scott Darnell’s head. I lived in my own head and there was no room for anyone else.
Today is election day! Get out an vote is the “American way for our freedom”.
What is free ? Simple things like a smile or a hug or something given away without a return of more or less value. Freedom of our great nation came with a price. My freedom to be me came with a price I willing accepted. My greater good was not bounded within a frame. I was living without the chains of the past events. I had become very strong with clear thinking that was about my essences.
The greater picture I was told by others was the path to be on. Why? I voted at the grange hall in Damascus PA township. I voted by color, not by party. Green was my color choice because it is a secondary color made of yellow and blue. Green was my reflective light color of my heart that was made from Yellow and blue reflective light colors.The yellow reflective color from my solar plexus. Blue reflective light color comes from my throat. It was simple and where there was no green to vote for, I filled in the name that I knew represented me from a respectful relationship I had with PA legislature.I did not know any of the political views and that didn’t matter to me for my right to vote. I voted from my beliefs of values I live in the present with.
Two positives or two negatives cancel out each other. Illusion or Delusion repeated a pattern of perpetual motion and I was at a point within the center observing the reality of my perception.
I have no pain today. I have as much energy as I need today to enjoy what matters to me. Whatever happens in the future will happen and I do not control what happens to others.I do control what I feed myself for substance.
I feed myself “Love and lite ” an illusion or delusion?
I write a blog to help other’s with cancer management.
One size does not fit all
Letrozolie /generic name /brand name femara
Oral chemotherapy/education /Palbociclib is the generic name /brand name Ibrance
Denosumab solution for injection /trade name Prolia/XGEVA
I read and absorbed the information given to me by my oncologist for treatment he recommended for my stage 4 cancer. He said” there is no cure for your stage 4 cancer Michele” but these medications have been documented to give you more years to live but will not cure your cancer.”
I let him order the medications and left his office pushing my son Bobby 10/30/2018 in a wheelchair down the hall in the hospital my oncologist had his practice in.
My son Bobby was happy to hear what the oncologist said because I had scared him by saying I only had 18 months to live because of the stage 4 cancer.
Where did I come up with 18 months to live? Who was I to know when I will die? I knew nothing of the future and no one else did either.
I was human and that was enough to be. I was in pain but not from the cancer. I was angry that those that expressed they loved me where making excuses why they didn’t call me or visit me when I just needed to be hugged and enjoying their company.
The world got smaller to me and I was satisfied with my beliefs of inner peace. I had allowed many people to convince me that my happiness depended on them and so I became codependent. I had allowed the disabilities I was born with control my navigation skills and that led me to a bi/polar shift of energy that was out of control due to my auto piolet steering my brain waves.
When I looked into the eyes of the person that was giving me the advice of what I should or should not do with my life, the reflection was a mirrored image of a personality I needed to acknowledge as external power that had No power over me as long as my authentic self was content by loving itself.
All the medications I had been prescribed since my birth had side effects.
Each side effect was similar to a coded analytical system I had no clue how it worked until I had my cancer awakening.
Either I take the medications now or not take them. I will have side effects and eventually die from something.
I reread all the Oral Chemotherapy information many times and weighted my options.
Just the way it was printed in white ink on a black bake ground
“ The common side effects that have been known to happen in more than 30% of patient taking palbociclib are listed in the left side of this table. You MAY NOT ( is underlined/capitalized to hypnotized the reader into the illusion of you are the survivor)
Options to help manage any side effects that do occur are included on the right side of this table. These should be discussed with your care provider. If you experience any side effect, you cannot manage or that is not listed here, contact your care provider.
The last page/: Important notice: The Association of Community Cancer Centers(ACCC, Hematology/Oncology Pharmacy Association (HOPA). Community Oncology Dispensing Association, Inc.(NCODA). And Oncology Nursing Society (ONS) have collaborated in gathering information for and developing this patient education guide. This guide represents a brief summary of the medication derived from information provided by the drug manufacturing and other resources (What are the other resources I need to know?) and how were they funded? This guide does not cover all existing information related to the possible uses, directions, doses, precautions, warnings, interactions, adverse effects, or risks associated with this medication and should not substitute for the advice of a qualified healthcare professional. Provision of this guide is for information purpose only and does not constitute or imply endorsement, recommended, or favoring of the medication by ACCC, HOPA, NCODA, or ONS, who assume no liability for and cannot ensure the accuracy of the information presented. The collaborators are no making any representation with respect to the medications whatsoever and any and all decisions, with respect to such medications, are the SOLE RISK of the individual consuming the medication. All decisions related to taking this medication should be made with the guidance and under the direction of a qualified healthcare professional.
The TWO “MAY NOT” & “SOLE RISK” words shouted out louder and louder as if words could speak and I would understand the truth. To me the two words were similar to individual consciousness desperately hypnotizing me.
How was that possible? Two polar opposites were at battle. I was at peace now with my stage 4 cancer and how much time I had left in the human form I existed in.
It didn’t matter what I would choice to take the treatments or not.
I was circular polar. The circle of life continues perpetual motion of 360 degrees and I was in the center observing all the circles rotating around me. I only exist if the other exists in another reality of its own creation.
Wait and see how long I live and the way I live if you think it is of your best interest .
10/10/2018 “God” rooted in my stem cells within my physical body is activated as fire. The fire is burning and creating energy to fuel my life cycle of life.
“God” or Divine source of energy is my thought perception of what is my truth. It is comforting for me to have an abundance of belief of the external power my DNA biological systems are in control of what manifest into my reality as I continue to live inside of the skin like a sausage of meat. It is my dialog of thoughts with me myself and I have with the eternal source of power that created me.