Veteran’s Day 11/11/2018

Veteran’s Day celebrated yesterday and today 11/12/2018
Freedom of choice comes with a price.
I was told today that I was brave by a friend that was following my stage 4 cancer management. I said ” I am still living with abundance of Love for all creation and that is my blessing “

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Illusionist/Delusion

11/7/2018 is today’s date
The time 2:33 pm . You are reading my blog. I am the creator of my blog grandmamichele.com for my purpose of whatever matters to me.
Yes! it is all about me! Is my refection similar to your refection? Do you know someone now living with stage 4 cancer or any other disability or disease?
I am not selling anything or telling you what road to travel that might be the right path for you. I am writing my valuable thoughts for me. If by chance they have value for others,please share them and observe what happens.

I was called this morning to except delivery of I-brans) I-brans is the brand name for the medication my oncologist ordered for my cancer treatment. Chemo The co-pay of 27 hundred for my monthly cancer treatment was not in my budget of food for the month.
I am lucky to qualify for well-fare/food stamps/medical sliding scale locale hospital/doctors/social services because I paid my taxes.
Is this reality an Illusion or Delusion?
I am everything I think I am.
Being on well- fare for the past few months has been a gift similar to my stage 4 cancer for the last few months.
Some people call me crazy and some people call me by my name Michele. The bottom line is that they are engaged with my train of thought.
I have been taken twice a day CBD oil since 10/20/2018 when I left Denver with my son Bobby. Bobby had a former business partner that was presently part of a company selling CBD oil for health issues. The website support@aethics.com view our store to shop. Was this an illusion or delusion?
Scott Darnell was 6’2” and toward over me as I asked him to hug me and feel my energy of love for another soul who happens to have stage 4 caner. In that moment of the exchange of energy I felt all was self-created by the beliefs each individual absorbed from creation. I did not live in Scott Darnell’s head. I lived in my own head and there was no room for anyone else.

Today is election day! Get out an vote is the “American way for our freedom”.
What is free ? Simple things like a smile or a hug or something given away without a return of more or less value. Freedom of our great nation came with a price. My freedom to be me came with a price I willing accepted. My greater good was not bounded within a frame. I was living without the chains of the past events. I had become very strong with clear thinking that was about my essences.
The greater picture I was told by others was the path to be on. Why? I voted at the grange hall in Damascus PA township. I voted by color, not by party. Green was my color choice because it is a secondary color made of yellow and blue. Green was my reflective light color of my heart that was made from Yellow and blue reflective light colors.The yellow reflective color from my solar plexus. Blue reflective light color comes from my throat. It was simple and where there was no green to vote for, I filled in the name that I knew represented me from a respectful relationship I had with PA legislature.I did not know any of the political views and that didn’t matter to me for my right to vote. I voted from my beliefs of values I live in the present with.

Two positives or two negatives cancel out each other. Illusion or Delusion repeated a pattern of perpetual motion and I was at a point within the center observing the reality of my perception.
I have no pain today. I have as much energy as I need today to enjoy what matters to me. Whatever happens in the future will happen and I do not control what happens to others.I do control what I feed myself for substance.
I feed myself “Love and lite ” an illusion or delusion?

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Wait and see how long I will live!

Today 11/3/2018
I write a blog to help other’s with cancer management.
One size does not fit all
11/3/2018 .
Letrozolie /generic name /brand name femara
Oral chemotherapy/education /Palbociclib is the generic name /brand name Ibrance
Denosumab solution for injection /trade name Prolia/XGEVA
I read and absorbed the information given to me by my oncologist for treatment he recommended for my stage 4 cancer. He said” there is no cure for your stage 4 cancer Michele” but these medications have been documented to give you more years to live but will not cure your cancer.”
I let him order the medications and left his office pushing my son Bobby 10/30/2018 in a wheelchair down the hall in the hospital my oncologist had his practice in.
My son Bobby was happy to hear what the oncologist said because I had scared him by saying I only had 18 months to live because of the stage 4 cancer.
Where did I come up with 18 months to live? Who was I to know when I will die? I knew nothing of the future and no one else did either.
I was human and that was enough to be. I was in pain but not from the cancer. I was angry that those that expressed they loved me where making excuses why they didn’t call me or visit me when I just needed to be hugged and enjoying their company.
The world got smaller to me and I was satisfied with my beliefs of inner peace. I had allowed many people to convince me that my happiness depended on them and so I became codependent. I had allowed the disabilities I was born with control my navigation skills and that led me to a bi/polar shift of energy that was out of control due to my auto piolet steering my brain waves.
When I looked into the eyes of the person that was giving me the advice of what I should or should not do with my life, the reflection was a mirrored image of a personality I needed to acknowledge as external power that had No power over me as long as my authentic self was content by loving itself.
All the medications I had been prescribed since my birth had side effects.
Each side effect was similar to a coded analytical system I had no clue how it worked until I had my cancer awakening.
Either I take the medications now or not take them. I will have side effects and eventually die from something.
I reread all the Oral Chemotherapy information many times and weighted my options.
Just the way it was printed in white ink on a black bake ground
“ The common side effects that have been known to happen in more than 30% of patient taking palbociclib are listed in the left side of this table. You MAY NOT ( is underlined/capitalized to hypnotized the reader into the illusion of you are the survivor)
Options to help manage any side effects that do occur are included on the right side of this table. These should be discussed with your care provider. If you experience any side effect, you cannot manage or that is not listed here, contact your care provider.
The last page/: Important notice: The Association of Community Cancer Centers(ACCC, Hematology/Oncology Pharmacy Association (HOPA). Community Oncology Dispensing Association, Inc.(NCODA). And Oncology Nursing Society (ONS) have collaborated in gathering information for and developing this patient education guide. This guide represents a brief summary of the medication derived from information provided by the drug manufacturing and other resources (What are the other resources I need to know?) and how were they funded? This guide does not cover all existing information related to the possible uses, directions, doses, precautions, warnings, interactions, adverse effects, or risks associated with this medication and should not substitute for the advice of a qualified healthcare professional. Provision of this guide is for information purpose only and does not constitute or imply endorsement, recommended, or favoring of the medication by ACCC, HOPA, NCODA, or ONS, who assume no liability for and cannot ensure the accuracy of the information presented. The collaborators are no making any representation with respect to the medications whatsoever and any and all decisions, with respect to such medications, are the SOLE RISK of the individual consuming the medication. All decisions related to taking this medication should be made with the guidance and under the direction of a qualified healthcare professional.
The TWO “MAY NOT” & “SOLE RISK” words shouted out louder and louder as if words could speak and I would understand the truth. To me the two words were similar to individual consciousness desperately hypnotizing me.
How was that possible? Two polar opposites were at battle. I was at peace now with my stage 4 cancer and how much time I had left in the human form I existed in.
It didn’t matter what I would choice to take the treatments or not.
I was circular polar. The circle of life continues perpetual motion of 360 degrees and I was in the center observing all the circles rotating around me. I only exist if the other exists in another reality of its own creation.
Wait and see how long I live and the way I live if you think it is of your best interest .

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“God”

10/10/2018 “God” rooted in my stem cells within my physical body is activated as fire. The fire is burning and creating energy to fuel my life cycle of life.

“God” or Divine source of energy is my thought perception of what is my truth. It is comforting for me to have an abundance of belief of the external power my DNA biological systems are in control of what manifest into my reality as I continue to live inside of the skin like a sausage of meat. It is my dialog of thoughts with me myself and I have with the eternal source of power that created me.

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Ask the question “Why?”

“Why” ? Why what ? Just why was the question the self 3 asked. “There was no reason or answer. I didn’t know the answer. I had acknowledge to those that engaged with me on my journey.

By my letting go of controls, I was feeling my emotions though every cell created for my life for me.

Others would judge me from their perspective.

Feeling Love rooted from the stem cells rooted in my core biology was the essence fueling my existence.

The stage 4 cancer in the full body PET scan 8/21/2018 was the path created from my conception.

It was an abstract of the unknown that I embraced with “Love”  the “Love feeling ” was a blanket of comfort surrounding my physical Identity.

Gabrielle Laurie:a professional photo journalist was assigned to follow me for the weekend of 10/06/- 10/08/2018 ( Columbus Day Weekend 2018)   from the weekend@eddieadamsworkshop.com   asked me ” Would you let someone photograph you as you are dying?” I said “yes”!.

TEAM LEADER: Preston Gannaway ; EDITOR: Tim Rasmussen ; PRODUCER: Eric Thayer ; DIGITAL TECH: Angus ObornTEAM LEADER: Preston Gannaway ; EDITOR: Tim Rasmussen ; PRODUCER: Eric Thayer ; DIGITAL TECH: Angus Oborn

I have been dying since my conception. It is evolution of the cosmic flow of energy.

I manage my stage 4 cancer by writing my thoughts and feelings. My interactions of the people I engage with are private. I continue to ask permission to use their story before you will see it on my blog. It is all about my time now. God Bless all Grandma Michele

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” Fasting” 3 days

3:am 8/26/2018:

The 72 hours fasting= ( 3 days fasting ) The only source of nutrition was tap water, herbal medication,essential oils for the next three days.

I had  never fasted for three days.

The only fasting of  26 hours on Yom Kipper without even water was since I was 12 years old.

My belief’s had navigated my brain through the four seasons of spring, summer ,fall and winter and ready for the final fourth Act.

The energy fuel for me was “play”

There was a set of blocks with letters A B C D– numbers one ,two, three ,four

The observer( higher-self or energy source )  played my game

My Game:

#1  story-telling  and listening

# 2 abundant  life style

# 3 money attachments

# 4 weight management

( personal story ) for #4  Letter A (Attitude)

At 5 years old, I made believed  I could cut my chubby thighs with a butter knife. No one told me I was a little chubby. I felt fat. Fat was all I saw at 5.Fat people at the age of 5 couldn’t play the jumping games I loved to play and that made me sad for the fat people.  I continued to hold on to whatever made me happy or sad because a child’s undeveloped brain is not equipped with tools of education.

When I was 49, my suffering self-image reflection in the mirror surfaced as  overweight by 22 lbs.  My husband put on about 44 lbs. from the time we were married 6/18/1979. Weight was a personal perception of control. I had the will power to control what nutrition I would or would not feed myself. ( It always was about my controls).

My mother-in-law who live with us  was very smart and knew I needed a money incentive to lose weight. She challenged me with a bet  I agreed to.

She said ” Michele if you achieve  your goal weight of 104 in a year. I will give you a thousand dollars. I was 126 pounds and five feet tall age  49.

I said ” you have a bet. I told our family that I was not going to drink any alcohol for the year or eat anything with sugar or fat”. No one could believe my will power to win the bet. I was the one that made the sauces,deserts,soups,dressings,bakery products for our Restaurant. That was why I was gaining weight rapidly. My mother-in-law thought I was out of control with my weight and didn’t want a fat daughter in law for the role I was living in as a wife and stepmother of her two grandchildren I was raising.

Even when my former husband and I  went on 5 star vacations, we were  dining at 4 and 5 star restaurants around the world and I would order a baked potato without anything and drink hot water with lemon.

My husband at that time would make an excuse for my baked potato dinner and would tip as if I ordered an expensive dinner and wine. He didn’t want the server to suffer with a small tip. He was thoughtful for others in the hospitality service industry.

The year went by and I got on the scale and surprised everyone weighing in at 104. My mother-in-law was shocked. She said “I will make you a bet of double or nothing if you can keep it off for another year and weigh in again at your goal weight of 104. I said “make it $3 thousand or nothing and you have the bet”. She agreed and a year later I was still 104 to everyone’s amazement.

My weight was  113 pounds after my 8/26/2018 fast. I lost 3 pounds in 3 days of fasting with water only. My height – 4′ 11” – I have a skeleton frame of a  13-year-old child.

My imagination comes from my 6-year-old perception of a child without boundaries flying freely.

I used the Tonica Herbal Wellness products I purchased from Sarah Rejman,RN . Organic herbal health products for cleanse & detoxification specialists since 2002. It was worth the money as an investment for my own experiment of “Life’s expectations ” .

I used products  from Tsubo Aroma Therapy ( Aromatsubo.com).since the company was started by Caroline Verdi a woman I had a friendship with for the past 9 years.

Six more essential oils I purchased on Amazon in PA and six more I purchased at Festival marketplace( Pompano Beach FL.  from Atlantic Fragrances,Inc. . My total purchases of product about 1 thousand dollars in the past three months that added my nutritional  management of my multi sensory self.

“Money” from abundance to starvation no longer had power. The yellow gold wedding bands from my grandparents and my grandmothers parents were on both my right hand and left hand fingers. The 4 plan 18 carat  gold bands inherited were significant source of energy of the 360 degree circle of energy.

As far as my goal weight of 104 pounds, I may or may not be at that weight again.

If I restrict me,myself and I, the multi sensory power of the observer ( source) will continue to challenge me.

 

 

 

 

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“Live until I Die”

My  radiation oncologist Bruce W.Phillips,MD,FACRO explained the results of the full body PET Scan I took 8/21/2018. ” Michele, I am sorry to tell you that the cancer has Metastasize to  your bones to stage 4 cancer.

( At  that moment, an explosion ignited.

Within every cell of my being a regression memory surfaced for me to view as the observer .

Memory : All the elements used to form my present identity were conceived from the explosion  of the first Sun’s energy,the source of perpetual motion.( Before Earth’s present Sun ) .

Understanding the complexity of webs now woven from words were like a poison to trap me into “Fear ” ” What was I hearing ? It was words taking form to spin me around with gravitational pulls from all I had absorbed from my conception.  I had no pain. I was  exhausted because my energy fuel tank keeping me alive was depleted with warning signs “empty “( out of gas). My physical and mental being had enough. I was ready to let go of control and take the plunge to whatever happens  was for my benefit.

Bruce said ” you can have chemo,hormonal chemo therapy medication, radiation that might extend you life”. I said No !Why would I inflect more pain to my immune system? There was no logic to spending whatever time in doctors offices testing the physical body for reaction to medication prescribe. Humanity will survive as long as there is a source of energy. My personal wealth has funded research for cures of family,friends and strangers as their physical and mental reality.

My reserves are obvious to the observer.

Dissociation is classified as a disorder when it takes the cognitive train of thought off to outer-space. I am happy to say that I manage the dissociation with ease. It might be too complex to absorb unless you dissociated when it was needed  for your existence.

The disorders I was coded with were my greatest gifts. It was the opposite spectrum than what was considered normal.

Back to story of the day (8/23/2018

Cindy S.Collins,PHd,RD, LD/ N Health Psychology and Medical Nutrition at SFRO ( South Florida Radiation Oncology was standing at the nurses station when I came out of the examining room. I told her the results. She was shocked. Cindy and I had a few private sessions and she  understood my belief in God and my journey of helping others until I die.

The reflection of me is not a Marta, by no means ,or an angel inside human flesh. I am just  as vulnerable as any human faced with “Death”.  I sate in the waiting room and sent messages to my love ones. A waterfall of tears were running from my eyes as I texted  on my I phone.

My next doctor appointment was a 3 pm with my Primary Doctor to repeat what was already told to me.

I was looking forward to the night of an Evening of Luxury and a night full of surprises at the Residence Mandarin Oriental Boca Raton . I had called Jennifer Fountain my personal agent from the  AM Skier agency to activate my out of vault insurance for one day out of vault blank jewelry coverage. Henry Skier owner of AM Skier has been a personal friend for about 30 years. He knew all about me and my family. Henry Skier was impressed with my non-profit for military women  returning from active duty at my home for a two-week stay of transition, volunteer work as an entertainer in children’s hospitals,VA senior living centers and homeless people in Fort Lauderdale F.L. as a volunteer since 2010 for http://www.Lovethyneighbor.org to give back my time by listening  without judgement. I created an identity of a super hero “Grandma Michele” the story-teller and listener from planet Zatar from my creative imagination for immortality.

The two fiction books created an illusion to be a buffalo, Not a cow. The buffalo’s survival instincts to go full force into the on coming storm allows the full force of energy to pass quickly through its cells and recovery is the reward with rest. The cow runs with the storm for an endless physical and mental pain. The reward waiting at the end of both identities are a story of self-reflection.

 

The only reason I was invited to An Evening of Luxury was because the week before I met with Marie Mangouta a sales agent assigned to me. I told Marie I could make no plans until I knew the results of my PET scan. Marie asked me the names of my doctors.

Marie said “Your breast surgeon has been a personal friend of mine  for over 10 years.”

Dr Andrew Ress ( Liv plastic surgery started the reconstruction after the mastectomy  of my left breast and the removal of 19 lymph nodes. At that time the results were stage 2 active cancer cells.

1/16/2018 :  all the hardware from the reconstruction needed to be removed at an emergency surgery by D. Andrew Ress before the infection traveled through my blood stream for an explosive take-over causing death.

Two days before 1/16/2918 my biological son Bobby was admitted to Swedish Medical in Denver CO. for emergency surgery for an infection in his ankle. Six weeks later my son was told he will never walk again without either a wheelchair, walker, crushes, or Cain. depending on how he managed the pain with medication’s.

Back to 8/23/2018  Continue reading

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Seeking Attention

Seeking attention 8/7/2018

I am sharing the cancer support group story of Judy Cromer 😦 I got permission to use all the names in the following story )

Judy Cromer a year older than me was across the room at South Florida Radiation Oncology where I received my series of radiation treatments. Cindy S. Collins, PhD, RD.LD/N Health Psychology and Medical Nutrition the facilitator of the support group had a few private sessions with me.

I was focused on Judy Cromer first breast cancer surgery and the spread of cancer to her lungs. The last time she was in the hospital because of a lung infection, Judy was told “you will die in a few min if the attending nurse was not allowed to put a tube down your throat for an induced coma so we could operate on you”. Judy said No! “I will die first and they had to do something else. That was a week ago before the cancer support meeting 3/22/2018.  Judy’s weight was 78 lbs and 5’2’’ still alive and living the best being in control and not afraid of “Death “ As of 8/23/2018 Judy’ put on 30 pounds and very happy to be 108 pounds.

At that meeting all were given a paper to read “Dying to Talk About Death “by Reverend Debra Jarvis.

Everyone will die one day. How do you want to die was the topic. Having time to take care of my affairs and saying my goodbyes is the way I choose for my death. The instant death with no warning for my loved ones is not my first choice. That didn’t mean I would be dying of cancer. Cancer was my alarm to give back my infectious smile by seeking attention.

If you like my blog visit my website self3.com and share

 

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New Begins 7/17/2018 documented

What are new begins ? To me Michele W Weinstein/Michele Schuchman/ Grandma Michele they mean new brain wave patterns to navigate my self-created story of “Self 3.com. Why not? The power to control my brain navigation for my behavioral patterns comes from the illusion of “self”.

It is a self-created illusion of external power from ancient documentary facts the self defines as truth with evidence to prove it on blind faith.

Good or Bad ,ugly or beautiful is the observation of another perception and has the power to destroy or love AND BEAR FRUIT FOR ANOTHER DAY OF A LIFE TIME BEFORE IT DIES AND BECOMES DUST AGAIN. The dust blows away as if it never existed at all. What is the evidence it existed at all?

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July 13/2018 / me,myself and I.

“I am ” identifies the physical human. The AI represents the navigator brain steering the personalities that appears and disappears. I exist only if I am observed though reflection of consciousness.

If you have engaged with me in conversation and listened, you might have learned more about your uniqueness as consciousness communicator.

Consciousness communicator with a man.

The Eye met a man 7/7/2018 at a reunion in Barryville NY . The Eye was siting and typing a story on my eye pod at the Catskills Mountain Resort.

I was there to reconnect and offer my services as a Restaurant Consultant. The family that owns the resort knows of my expertise in the hospitality industry. The family also knows me as the cartoon character”Grandma Michele” from planet Zatar. Grandma Michele the listener and story-teller and ” conception to birth are two books I self-published 2010 and 2015 . The first book is not available . The second book is available on Amazon.com Michele Schuchman the author.

I created a world of fiction. I or the A is always in control even when it appeared to others I was on fire.

 

True story of cancer management :

“I don’t know ” is good for me not to worry about “cancer ”

The cancer active cells spread like fire very fast and what was I doing about that ? Nothing with fear attached . Everything to have fun and learn more Torah from West Boca Chabad in Boca Raton Fl. I continued to help others just by listening and not judging their free choices of the way they needed to live in their skin.

Stage 4 cancer is not a death sentence. It is a benefit to keep on doing great things for anyone that engages with stories.

My personalities are both constructive and destructive that will disappear as if they never were real . My soul has No drama . My personalities are multi drama Queens for my souls purpose of giving and taking .

My speed that I move is controlled by all my organs and the trillions of cells that form my identity.

The man  was to fast for me.

He was impatient with my slow speed, that frustrated him. He was angry and toxic with an animal instinct to have me as his pray. He looked like a muskrat on a Ferris wheel with repetitive behavioral patterns that were not comfortable for me.

The man  did great things for many people by putting out fires as a captain for 37 years at Newark Fire Department. I was impressed. I was not impressed with the anger and control he displayed the three times we were together.

It was outside my cousins Law Office the man said ” F You ! get back in this car ” I said No one talks to me like that, I am going into my cousins law office and he will take me safely home to his home. The man said ” don’t be such a cupcake “. I walked away and wept.

To all my followers ! know that nobody has the right to curse you and you have no right to curse them back either . All it does is feed the wolf inside and then the wolf inside grows stronger with vengeance. Just disconnect with love to the other and know the pain the other is suffering with.

I read Torah and learn from the stories of suffering and pain . I also know the Torah stories of joy and happiness of celebration with music and dance and abundance of food and drink. There is always a two-way street that goes in both directions. Learn to navigate with kindness and sincerity of honesty.

Story # 2 Family

My Jewish orthodox family have embraced me with love and kindness beyond my wildest dreams. The kindness from their souls was authentic to my authentic soul. It was as real as planet Earth is to me.

I managed to navigate my physical body to AV M in Brooklyn NY. All by myself I was able to walk and observe others as they were working in a safe environment with others that were less evolved mentally and physically than themselves.

To understand the group mentality of existence, an individual needs to understand itself from both objective and subjective behavioral patterns.

I am a peace maker Not a revolutionist. Peace is within our existence.

If you like my blog story ,Please share it and please give Michele W Weinstein /Michele Schuchman /Grandma Michele credit for writing  the posts . God Bless

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